Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Is It Bigger Than A Bread Box?

Do you ever try to disguise the gifts you give to friends and relatives at holiday time?

Like if you're giving someone a gift certificate, do you put it in an envelope and put the envelope in a box and wrap it, then put that box in an even bigger box and wrap that, and repeat those steps about a dozen times until the final outer dimensions of the gift are approximately equal to those of Saturn?

I might need to be a bit creative this holiday season as I begin my wrapping (yes, I know what time it is), or most of the gifts I bring to my Christmas celebration will bear a striking resemblance to a gift card with wrapping paper around it.

What can I say, I'm a fan of the gift card. In both giving and receiving.

I could pull something totally unexpected and hire an elephant to walk into my parents' living room tomorrow, and when someone says, "You got me an elephant for Christmas??" I could give an elephant command that I just learned that day, and the elephant would hold out its trunk and drop a peanut in that person's hand, and I'd reply, "No, I got you a membership in the Shelled-And-Salted Peanut Of The Month Club. Merry Christmas!"

And then the elephant would do his job on the carpet and ruin my niece's new Crochet-By-Number kit that she was so looking forward to using. (That's one scarf I would have to refuse.)

Perhaps I'll forget the elephant trick. After all...I want to be invited back to celebrate Christmas with my family next year.

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it
is like wrapping a present and not giving it."
—William A. Ward


  1. I too started/finished my wrapping last night (12/23).

    It seems a waste and every year i say i'm going to do it sooner...but it doesn't seem to happen.

    Oh yeah, big fan of the button hook wrapping.

    Both my wife and father are getting new golf bags this year. And while my wrapping skills are common at best, i'm not going to wrap two golf bags.

    Instead i wrapped two mini Sharpies* (color coordinated) in jewlery boxes and will act surprised and say something clever like, "Oh, i've got something to go with that..." Yes, pathetic.

    *that was one of my big triumphs from shopping at the East Towne Mall, a 12 carded (yeah, i used to be in the business, it means 12 pieces plastic bubbled to a piece of cardboard) mini Sharpie set that included both purple and red.

    Champ! asked what the hell Sharpies have to do with golf? For marking your ball of course...

  2. I don't bother marking my ball. Why waste the ink when the ball is going to be in the woods/ravine/drink/highway/bird's nest in a couple shots, anyway?

    I like the idea, though, TheKid. They'll get a kick out of that.

    Nice terminology with the 12-cardedness!

    Have a Merry Christmas, TheKid!

    Hopefully we'll see you over the weekend sometime. Or if not, then sometime soon after that.