Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Decisions, Decisions...

I feel sorry for Andy Pettitte.

The Yankees pitcher has got so much weighing on his mind right now:

"Should I retire, so I can spend more time with my family, or should I come back to the most powerful franchise in baseball, play catch every five days with my buddy 60 feet away and watch grown men with wooden sticks whhhiff as the ball screams past them? Oh, and there's also that little matter of the sixteen million dollars that I'll put in my pocket for less than a calendar year's work!"

Officially, Pettitte has already declined the option. But Yankees management, known for being so patient, generous and accommodating, *ahem* has left the offer sitting on the table, in effect telling him, "Take all the time you need, Andy. And if you decide you'd like to play a little ball next year, we'll have this wheelbarrow of money waiting right here for you."

I know a story like this is nothing new. Professional athletes have so much money they pay people they don't even know simply because they have hands with which it can be carried away. ("Here, take these wads and wads of hundred dollar bills just so I don't have to find more places to put the stuff.")

But how does anyone walk away from sixteeeeen milllllion dollars? That's enough to buy three houses that are guaranteed to be featured on MTV's "Cribs"! Talk about celebrity status.

Hell, hire me! I'll work for One-point-Six Million. Or even point-One-Six Million! Granted, I might make the pinstripes look a little, um...wavy. And while I'm assuming Pettitte throws in the mid-90s, I might be able to hit only the mid......twenties? OK, maybe I'll give myself the forties. I've got (had) a pretty good arm.

Wait, wait...hold everything. Pettitte's a lefty. Yep, he's got me there. Baseball teams look for those, don't they? Now I understand why he's worth the sixteen and I'm not even worth considering for the backup assistant bat boy position. Gotcha.

Take the money, Andy.
Give it a go for one more year, and see how you guys fare without Torre and A-Rod and whomever else bolts before the mass exodus has ended in the Bronx.

You'll have plenty of time to spend with your family soon enough.
And three new houses in which to spend it.

"Good pitching will beat
good hitting any time,
and vice versa."
—Bob Veale


  1. Not only him. I saw Clemens interviewed the other day, blurting out his annual Favre-like "maybe I will, maybe I won't." Truth be told, I think father time has finally caught up to him though.

  2. Thanks, Beavis. (heh-heh. hn. heh. heh-heh.)

    More correctly, though...I said "wads AND wads."

    Burt, I think I saw in the last day or two that Clemens took a non-pitching position with the Astros, didn't he? I don't remember in what capacity. (not to say he can't change his mind and grab his glove again.) I agree...he's gotta be finished. He cashed in SO freakin' HUGE this year with the Yanks (what was it, a kajillion dollars per pitch?), it's time for him to call it a career.

  3. The vault of treasure they're danging over Andy's head is the principle reason the MLB, like Hollywood, will devour itself whole.

    Granted, baseball probably had the best year ever this past season. Attendance is wayyy up, ratings were actually there for the playoff and I believe the World Series had decent numbers as well.

    But watch this industry do what it does so well... shoot itself in the foot. Now is a time for building on the goodwill the general populace seems to have towards the alleged national pastime.

    Instead, look for more doping scandals and financial hoo-ha to chum up the waters.

    Sad, really.

  4. All those positives for baseball, and yet the small market teams are still behind the eight ball with absolutely no margin for error. Think A-Rod will be signed by the Brewers? LOL - a big hearty LOL.

    Don't get me started on this subject...