Saturday, November 15, 2008

The Only Icing I Know About Goes On A Cake.

I don't follow hockey much. [read: at all.]

If I hear the words "Stanley" and "Cup" on SportsCenter, I know that it's somewhere close to the playoffs in the NHL, but I rarely know which teams made it there (don't like half of them make it?), or who the favorite is, or how close anyone is to hoisting the Cup and drinking from it. (milk, right? wait...that's Indy.)

When I was younger, if someone asked me who my favorite hockey team was, my answer was the New York Islanders. I didn't have a reason for it...except that they were the Islanders. (don't look for the logic. there's none there.) Luckily for me, and my logic, there were very few occasions in my circle of friends when the topic of favorite hockey teams came up.

If someone gave me an Islanders jersey today, I'd wear it proudly, and proclaim them as my favorite hockey team. But I'm pretty sure they suck, and have sucked for a really long time. (don't quote me on that, though. cuz I don't know anything about hockey, remember?)

Read this list, and tell me which of these teams are NHL teams, and which are not: Atlanta Thrashers, Florida Panthers, Nashville Predators, Minnesota Wild, Columbus Blue Jackets.

Got your answer? WRONG!! They all are! (either that, or someone's been hacking into the NHL's website and making stuff up.) Apparently, expansion runs rampant in the NHL.

(and oh, by the way. the Islanders do suck. they've got the worst record in hockey. I'll still wear the jersey, though. I'm used to that with my sports teams.)

The point of this post, however, is that I saw a hockey headline yesterday and couldn't help but click over to read the story.

Barry Melrose, whose name I recognize because he was a hockey analyst on ESPN for several years and when I'm waiting for other sports highlights to come on, sometimes there he is, talking to me about hockey, eh?

He left ESPN earlier this year to return to coaching in the NHL after being away for 13 years. And he took a job with the Tampa Bay Lightning (also a genuine NHL team, just like the other five), the team with the worst record in hockey last season.

Melrose was head honcho in Tampa Bay for a total of sixteen games, and with a record of 5-7-4 this season, he was fired on Friday. Management instead gave the job on an interim basis to assistant coach Rick Tocchet, whose name it took me three attempts to spell correctly when copying it from the article in which I read it, and who had once been suspended from the league for gambling charges.

When the hell did Al Davis buy a hockey team, and what did Barry Melrose ever do to him??

That's the only way I can explain it, because moves like these are only made in one professional sports organization, and that's Raider Nation. What...the...fuck?

I don't know Barry Melrose from Adam, and it won't affect my life in the least if he's a coach in Tampa Bay or an analyst on ESPN. But I feel sorry for him. He got royally screwed.

"Here are the reins to this last-place hockey team, and you better turn it around in 16 games or fewer, or you'll be out on your ass! Good luck! Have fun! Happy skating!"

"A good hockey player
plays where the puck is.
A great hockey player
plays where the puck
is going to be."
—Wayne Gretzky


  1. I'll forgive your comments on hockey - only if you promise to attend a game of 5-7 year olds playing - that is sheer fun!! It's like watching dominoes. One falls down - and, boom, suddenly they're all laying on the ice!! I know a great team in good ol' Sauk Prairie Wisconsin that would be a great team to watch :o)

    I, too, am/was an Islanders fan - in fact, I own a jersey - which you may see in your mailbox one of these days :o)

    I saw Barry Melrose at the 2006 NCAA National Hockey Championship in Milwaukee. He was there covering it for ESPN. People LOVE him. The fans were chanting his name (Bar-ry Mel-rose)and girls were falling all over him. He has the best Hockey Player Mullet I've ever seen!!

    Now, let's talk about hockey is the best sport on the planet!!

  2. I know this comment is many many days late, but...I kinda knew I'd take some flack from you about my apathy toward hockey. (maybe that's why I ran and hid and didn't reply to your comment for 10 days.)

    I laughed when I read that you're an Islanders fan. Quite the coincidence.