Thursday, May 31, 2007

The Downfall Blue Book Exam

When I saw Matchbox 20 several years ago, they had a very simple, understated stage setup...a few speaker towers here and there, and whatever instruments were necessary, and not much else.

But they had three long vertical video screens behind the stage, and flashed patterns and graphics and other such stuff on them like many bands do at concerts. During "Downfall," they did something a little different, and it stuck with me. There were big bright flashes of light on the screens, that quickly zoomed out to reveal a question that stayed for a few seconds and then vanished. And then...another bright light came, and another super fast zoom to show another question. This went on throughout the song.

It was pretty powerful. The one thing I missed from that song, though, was the Gospel choir that backs up Rob Thomas about halfway through. If they could have gotten a big production choir like that together, it would have blown me away. I realize that's a bit tough to do during a tour...pack a dozen or so gospel singers.

Anyway. Back to the questions. I searched around on a forum site a day or two after the show, and found that someone had copied the questions and posted them. The presentation probably loses a bit of its luster without the screens and the light flashes. But I thought they might be fun to answer. Some of them can be simple yes-or-no questions, and others...well, they might take a little more time.



Are you happy?
An easy one to start with, right? Sooo simple. Or, is it? My answer: on a scale of one to ten, one being least happy and ten being most happy, I'm probably about a 3.749. Bump that up to a 4.312 on weekends. And an 8 whenever I'm in Vegas.

What do you love?
This question should be constantly revisited and added to and edited and revised. I love music...I love people who can make me laugh...I love condiments...I love the power of the written word...I love family and good friends...I'd love to spend the time it would take to give much deeper, sexier answers than the ones I just gave.

Do you trust your friends?
Most of them, yes.

...your family?
Implicitly.

...your political leaders?
Fuuuuck no! No matter from which side of the aisle they spout their promises.

Do you trust the media?
Only Nancy Grace. Everyone else I'm a bit leery of. (no, I don't trust the media. all the no-spin zones out there have whirlwinds of spin. And Nancy Grace? someone pleeeease get her off the air.)

Do you trust yourself?
Much of the time, yes.

Do you trust your pets?
No pets to trust or distrust.

Do you care to dance?
I DO care to dance, and I've got rhythm and everything! But often, I'm too self-conscious to let myself go and be a dork out on the dance floor. What's that famous saying, "Dance like nobody is watching, and love like it's never going to hurt."? I probably need to take a lesson from that quote. Many other brilliant minds have also spoken up on the topic of dance..."We should consider every day lost in which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh."--Nietzsche. "Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who did not hear the music."--Angela Monet. "Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance."--Dave Barry. "The man that can't dance thinks the band is no good."--unattributed. "We're fools whether we dance or not. We might as well dance."--unattributed.

What do you believe?
I believe in karma...I believe in good people...I believe a beer with too much hops is a bad beer...I believe the Lions just might be better than the Packers this year (but I believe that every freakin' year)...

Do you believe in yourself?
Ahh, don't you love introspection? (yeah...neither do I.) Yes, I believe in myself. No, I don't believe in myself as much as I should.

What's on your mind?
Why I don't write more often, when I enjoy it as much as I do...where I'll be a year from now...Willie Nelson is always on my mind...FRIDAAAAY is on my mind...and so is sleep.

Did you see that?
I see a lot of things. I like to consider myself a pretty keen observer and a rather perceptive person.

:-)
What's so funny?
I assume this question pertains to the little smiley face thingie that flashed on the screen during the concert, but I'll answer it with people who are always funny to me: Dave Barry, Steve Martin, Al Franken, David Sedaris, Ellen DeGeneres, Adam Sandler...many more (as soon as I move on from this question I'll think of them). From my little sidebar blog category...she's so funny. And he's so funny.

Do you mean what you say?
I make a conscious effort to try to mean what I say. I hate insincerity, and I think it's so easy to spot. If you don't mean what you say...don't say anything. Pretty simple.

What are you waiting for?
This question made me chuckle a little more than the first time I ran down this list and tried to answer them...because since then, I got a refrigerator magnet from a friend with the exact same question on it. Kinda like a subtle drive-in-the-ass hint, I'm guessing. And I appreciated it greatly. So.......what am I waiting for. I'm waiting for the girl of my dreams to ring my doorbell and tell me she can't live without me...I'm waiting for it to rain money...and apparently, I'm waiting for my life to pass me by.

Who are you most yourself with?
Myself. (is that a cop-out answer? yep, it is. fine...I'll delve a little deeper.) A buddy with whom I shoot darts...a buddy with whom I do a fair share of concert-hopping...my sisters...V.

What's going on?
Often times, not enough to keep me entertained or interested. (and who's fault is that?)

Are you different when you are alone?
Yes.

Do you like your life?
What the fuck are you trying to do, Matchbox 20 people...get me all depressed and shit? Geeeez. The answer is sometimes, ok? I like my life sometimes.

Do you count your blessings?
For all the pissing and moaning I do in some of these questions, the answer to this question is a resounding "yes". I know in the grand scheme of it all, I'm pretty lucky.

Do you know how to be silent?
All too often.

What are you scared of?
Being misunderstood. I don't think I make the greatest first impression. (and we've all heard how many chances you get to make one of those.) I think maybe I make a better third or fourth or seventeenth impression. But by then...it can be too late, can't it?

Was it as bad as you feared?
For the most part, nothing's as bad as people fear. I think anxiety takes hold and messes with people's heads, and when it's over you look back and realize that whatever it was...wasn't so bad.

Are you more than you think you are?
(this one's easy. three simple words, and lots of dots.)
so............much............more.


Anybody else wanna share?


"But some things in this world
Man, they don't make sense.
Some things you don't leave
until they leave you."
—Bright Lights, Matchbox 20

5 comments:

  1. I can't possibly tackle these questions in one response. But I will work on them - just not now. I'm very tired.

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  2. ARE YOU HAPPY?

    Yep, I can say for the most part, I am.

    WHAT DO YOU LOVE?

    Well, my wife and kids for sure - the rest of my family. Some friends. I love watching TV and eating junk food too. But I suppose that's a pretty shallow answer.

    DO YOU TRUST YOUR FRIENDS? Depends on the situation - and the friend.

    DO YOU TRUST YOUR FAMILY? Absolutely.

    DO YOU TRUST YOUR POLITICAL LEADERS? Hahahahahahahaha! I trust them as far as I can throw them. Note, this applies to almost any politician in my lifetime - past or present. But as to the current bunch of yahoos in the White House - oye! I have always leaned to the left politically. But I didn't hate George Bush Sr. I didn't hate Ronald Reagan. But man oh man, I truly despise George Bush Jr. I think he's an absolute waste of skin. Hate may be a strong word to describe my feelings for our current president. But if it's not hate, it's just a step below it. It's sad really. But it is what it is.

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  3. Wow, a big one. Well, let us see how far I get before the baby wakes up...

    ARE YOU HAPPY?
    The hell with happy, I'm ecstatic. And when occasional melancholy kicks in (I'm a writer, thus a dollop of this goes a long way) I just remind myself of MY LIFE. These are glorious days indeed.

    WHO DO YOU LOVE?
    Why do I hear the thunderous guitar of George Thorogood? Anyway, this is an easy list...one wife, three girls, one soon to be adopted son, one greyhound, and one chihuahua.

    DO YOU TRUST YOUR FRIENDS?
    I don't allow a whole lot of people into my life. Too many nutbars out there. Since trust is an earned concept, this is hard to answer.

    ...YOUR FAMILY?
    Barring taking a blood oath, with my life.

    ...YOUR POLITICAL LEADERS?
    Yes, I have nothing but faith in them. George Washington is amazing, Thomas Jefferson, William Howard Taft, Dwight D., FDR... love 'em all, every one.

    DO YOU TRUST THE MEDIA?
    Only Don Imus. Oops. Guess I'm fucked.

    DO YOU TRUST YOURSELF?
    More than ever, lately. A huge life change recently led to this as well as that "ecstatic" stuff above.

    DO YOU TRUST YOUR PETS?
    The greyhound, yes, but the chihuahua has always struck me as a bit shifty.

    DO YOU CARE TO DANCE?
    After 7 martinis, absolutely. After 14 martinis, I'll do it sans pants.

    WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE?
    That the children are our future... heh heh... ok, seriously.
    Ummm...that God's well-documented sense of humor has been put to the test lately by the likes of Dubbya Bush, Paris Hilton, and people who still do the macarena.

    DO YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF?
    Selling my latest script out west would certainly help in that department...

    WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?
    Keep on sleepin' baby, keep on sleepin'! (she's cutting teeth tonight)

    DID YOU SEE THAT?
    Clarity comes with practice. Mystery writer PD James said that those who write and don't SEE might as well hang it up. So I'm learning not to just see the building but see the foundation, cracks, and walkway as well, for that's where the real story is.

    WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
    A screenwriter who lives in Wisconsin. I'm my own punchline.

    DO YOU MEAN WHAT YOU SAY?
    This is a tough one. I think those who choose the writing life for dollars are pernicious liars and God (and a few other people) know I'm a king teller of tales, for better or worse. I try to keep, these days, my fabrications on the page. Ummm....what was the question again?

    WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
    Nothing. Everything I've ever wanted, I have. Everything I didn't need, I got rid of. The day I stopped waiting is the day I stopped worrying. I recommend it for everyone.

    WHO ARE YOU MOST YOURSELF WITH?
    Probably my kids. I spend so much time with them that they get to see all sides, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Being a stay-at-home dad forces you to get to know yourself in a big way real quick because your audience could give two shits if you're having a bad day.... feed me, new diaper, "Janey's hitting me!", "Abby won't let me sing!", etc, you get the idea.

    WHAT'S GOING ON?
    The baby's still sleeping! YEE-HA! Let's move on, keep 'em coming!

    ARE YOU DIFFERENT WHEN YOU'RE ALONE?
    Alone is a rarity in my current "job" so when I'm alone, I'm usually writing or reading, which is what i've done all my life so the answer would be a resounding NO.

    DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?
    It's all I can do to sound like an obnoxious boor here and keep from pounding my chest and gloating like a punk but....GOOD LORD I LOVE MY LIFE. Let's put it this way, if someone described my life to me, I'd be like, "wow, what a lucky sonofabitch!" That lucky sonofabitch is ME! The only drawback to this life zeal i've only recently discovered is this...a consistant nagging tension that it could all fall to pieces in the blink of an eye...sickness, tragedy.... I'm greedy with my life now and I don't wish to lose even an iota of it. That said, I probably should stop mowing through this box of Keelber cookies and eat a damn carrot stick or something.

    DO YOU COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS?
    See above.

    DO YOU KNOW HOW TO BE SILENT?
    I was usually pegged for being overly verbose. I've been teaching myself to shut the fuck up more. It really is important that we as a race just shut the fuck up. Really.

    WHAT ARE YOU SCARED OF?
    As I rise in the ranks of Tae Kwon Do, symmetrically my fears seem to fall away. When you can throw a decent axe-kick/middle punch combo, fears seem less oppressive, to be sure. However, every time my kids get too close to the road my guts act like a ferris wheel.

    Oooh, I just thought of an answer for this one that feels genuine!

    "Mankinds innate ability to do really moronic things and shirk responsability for said moronic acts."

    There, it's in the books.

    WAS IT AS BAD AS YOU FEARED?
    This quiz?
    Nah, piece of cake.
    This life?
    Same. Piece of cake.

    ARE YOU MORE THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE?
    Self-image and self-awareness seem less and less important as I age. Therefore, I'm unable to answer this question appropriately. I guess the only way to truly know this is to ask someone I know what they think of me and one will get a clearer take on that. Blowhard? Jackass? Diety? Moron? A peach among pits? Hell if I know...


    Hey that was fun! Thanks Gregg! Best of all...

    BABY CONTINUES TO SLEEP! It's gonna' be a good night....

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  4. Gah, life got away from me. But good stuff. I'll be back. I have no internet access at home right now so it's slow going!

    Love ya Ggg!!

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  5. This was funny too.. I mean not your life, but some of your responses. Let me just say, get that dumbass Nancy Grace off the air. Why do the guests even let her talk to them that way. They must be getting paid in some form. Anyone talked to me that way, I'd say don't ever fuckin' call me again. Whosh. Hey you brought her name up!

    Lisa

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