Sunday, January 21, 2007

...With Nothing More To Buy, Ever!

In about a five-day span last week, I received mailers from the following in my mailbox:

• Quality Paperback Book Club
• Rhapsody Book Club (romance novels)
• Mystery Guild
• One Spirit (mind. body. spirit.)
• Book-of-the-Month Club
• Writer's Digest Book Club
• The Literary Guild
• Crafter's Choice
• History Book Club
• The Good Cook Book Club
• The Military Book Club
• Crossings Book Club for
Today's Christian Family
• Doubleday Book Club

I feel sorry for the mailman that had to lug that load on his shoulders.

I've been courted by many of these clubs in the past, and have been a member of several, because let's face it...who can pass up cheap books? (if you raised your hand and answered, "Me! Me! Me!" to that question, then you and I are such very different animals.)

It appears, however, that my contact info has been shared with several new lists since the last go-round, because a few of these I've never heard of. Rhapsody Book Club? Crafter's Choice? Umm, The Good Cook?? (puh-leeaase. only if you've got titles in there like, "188 Ways to Burn Toast," or "How to Successfully Order Pizza for Delivery After the Pot Roast Has Been Charred." study your target demographic more closely, people.)

I can't resist offers that advertise four books for a penny apiece, or a buck each, or whatever it may be. Even with the shipping charges they tack on, it still works out to be two of my very favorite words in the English language when placed side-by-side. Cheap. Books.

And they always try to sweeten the deals in case you were riding the fence about those first four books. "Order a fifth book now for only $5.99, and reduce your commitment to only one book in the next year!" or "Take three books free just for joining, plus a fourth, plus a fifth...and oh, hell, why not, a sixth book, too! And have nothing more to buy, ever!"

And if not additional books, then they offer some lame gift, like a tote to carry all your brand new books with you everywhere you go. Or a handy desk reference. Or...this is my favorite so far, one I haven't seen before...a red polka-dot umbrella and tote set. (that's from Rhapsody, because apparently you're going to no doubt be spending all summer on the beach, reading all the trashy smut books they send you.)

If I didn't mind being overrun with reply cards to send back, or boxes to click online to prevent a billion selections of the month from being sent to me each month, I'd join each and every one of those clubs to see how many more mailers I'd get the next time.

But I think I'll choose a bit more wisely. I mean, really...what would I do with a red polka-dot umbrella, anyway?

"Getting out of the hospital is a lot like
resigning from a book club.
You're not out of it until the computer
says you're out of it."
—Erma Bombeck

"A man who doesn't read good books
has no advantage over the man
who can't read them."
—Mark Twain


  1. Sorry Ggg, I am all about the trashy smut books; especially on the beach. I may have to look into Rhapsody..I would look *smashing*(cough...choke) reclining poolside shaded by polka-dots sipping something lovely, preferably accessorized with an itty-bitty matching umbrella. :)

  2. OK, I have to disagree about the trashy smut books, E...but I know you've got others on your bookshelves, too, so you get a pass. (please tell me that you don't have an entire row, though, with Fabio look-alikes on the covers.)

    I do agree, however, with the "smashing" part (no cough/choke needed in that statement).

    And you know if you happen to get a polka-dotted umbrella in a fruity fru-fru drink in Cabo, you're gonna laugh so hard you fall into the pool. :)