Sunday, August 12, 2007

Don't Expect Frost, or Kipling. Or Seuss.

It's Sunday...time for a Squib!
This is truly a "squib" of a topic, but I really wanted to bring that header back to my blog. It's been gone for far too many Sundays. Who knows when it may show its face again? I'm hoping for next Sunday, but that might be optimistic.

And I wanted to give a blog entry like this a try. Here's the backstory: Scattered across the Internets, I've discovered some bloggers and other creative sites that boast samples of "Spam Haiku," or poetry created totally out of spam subject lines or body copy. I always thought that was a clever idea. So I gathered all of my spam subject lines and wrote them out into a list, and thought I might try to rearrange them into something resembling a poem. (no rhyming, unless I get lucky...and no syllable counting, at least for this experiment. while haiku might be a more inspired way to display spam, I'm too lazy to count three lines of five, seven and five syllables. consider this spam freeverse, if you will.)

Each line of the poem was a spam subject line...unedited, uncensored, untouched. And minimal punctuation. I feel like freaking e.e. cummings. Except, you know, with spam. And bad.

Hello, my dearest friend
How things looking
Feeling cold inside out
Things getting better
Time for change
Have u heard that
These positions will help you reach your peak
Think i can help you with this
You have to get your horse going
Good girls love bad boys
Is this right
What are your thoughts
U know what i think
Hey man, stop throwing away your money
Stop waiting
Gloria sent you a! Greeting
Did you get this, buddy
She will love you more than any other guy
Great stuff. Love it
Bet this is the one
Make her worship you
We provide you a real advantage to turn her on
Go magnify yourselves atlantica
At loneliness in moorefield
Don't get left behind
If you go for the sun
Help is on the way
Can you help
Thx for all ur help
Hope you can make better
Can't wait anymore
The death of the bicycle has had a tremendous effect on blackman
The definition of Freudian slip
For this sahara
lowly tape recorder
Saw them all
In supermarket
%START_WORD a coffeyville
This is great. Count on it
You've received a postcard from a School mate!
But he's loyal to George Bush, and that's key
I know I'll take flack for it — but I liked it
Crazy stuff
When will this finish

— • — • —

Uhh...I'm guessing this will finish right about here. I think I've figured out the reason why others have used the haiku format for this. Because after seventeen syllables it gets pretty damn boring.

Spam poetry is best taken in small doses. Or doses at all. I apologize for wasting your valuable Sunday minutes.

Here's a haiku to finish up:

No regrets. Great choice
Just wanted to drop a line
Ladies will love you

"To be nobody but yourself in a world
which is doing its best day and night
to make you like everybody else
means to fight the hardest battle
which any human being can fight and
never stop fighting."
—e.e. cummings


  1. While I thoroughly enjoyed the creativity put forth in the spam freeverse, I have to say that your e.e. cummings quote is what really sung loudly in this post.

    Here's to fighting that fight...

  2. I agree, Nicole. :O)

    The spam thing was fun to fool around with, but at the soon as I found that quote, I stopped looking and started typing.