Thursday, September 07, 2006

Gluttons Wolf(e) Down Contest Requirements

I should probably stay away from this topic, seeing as how this is such a refined, high-brow blog. *ahem* But I'm pretty sure there are some people who wanted to see this posted, and one of them even lobbied to get a mention in the title block...so I did what I could.

It's not exactly 58 brats in 10 minutes. But for amateurs, it's not an unimpressive feat, either.

A few years ago, a buddy sent out an e-mail with a unique contest that he'd seen attempted at Wrigley Field, I believe. And he thought it would be a fun way for a bunch of guys to spend a few hours around a television set or a radio. Or...in person at the game, if you happened to have an extra hundred bucks to throw away on food and beverages.

The contest is called The 999.

Nine hot dogs.
Nine buns.
Nine 16-oz. beers.

In nine innings of baseball. From first pitch to final out.

The first year, no one in a group of about 10 people who attempted it made it to the end. Last year, one lone Champ(!) did it in about seven innings, topping a couple of his dogs with chili just for extra added oohs and ahhs.

And this year, three out of a group of seven crossed the finish line late in the eighth inning or early in the ninth. I may or may not have been one of those three. I admit to nothing.

Fine. It was me. I'm a Nine-Nine-Niner.

The key to finishing is knowing which method of attack will best suit your digestive system. The neat-and-orderly method of one hot dog, one bun, one beer, one inning may work well for some. But we've modified the rules a bit to allow for 12 12-oz. beers instead of nine 16-oz. beers, so as to bypass the plastic bottles. Same amount of beer, though.

One participant in the inaugural contest opted to eat all of his hot dogs in the first three or four outs of the game. That's just hot dogs...no buns. But the bread got to him before he got to the finish line.

This year, one of the winners drank all of his beers (or perhaps it was 11 of them) before going to the grill for a dog. I had three or four beers and then told myself, "I'm hungry," and went to put a couple notches in the dog-and-bun column.

It becomes a grind near the end, and the one main rule of NO digestive system reversal can be difficult to avoid. That's how we lost two of our participants this year, although one of them gave it the old college try to remain a contestant. I'll spare you the disgusting, but valiant, details.

Oh, and what did we do to celebrate our 999 victory? Drank beer and played cards for much of the rest of the night, of course.

I went grocery shopping on Monday night after getting back from my weekend. Hot dogs were not on my list.

Can't wait to see which one of the seven deadly sins they create a contest for next.


"Lust, Pride, Sloth and Gluttony, or as we call them these days,
"getting in touch with your sexuality," "raising your self-esteem,"
"relaxation therapy," and "being a recovered bulimic."
—P.J. O'Rourke

18 comments:

  1. OneOfTheThreeOfTheSeven12:43 PM, September 07, 2006

    I'm glad to see I made the title, even if it did require extra punctuation and extraction of a homonym out of me.

    I thought it's not gluttony when done in competition?! Shouldn't we be considered athletes, like Takeru and Joey?

    And thinking about the 7 deadly sins... how long is that Vegas trip? It may be difficult to limit yourself to 1 deadly sin a day, but that may be worth a try!!

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  2. 7DeadliesIn7Innings1:12 PM, September 07, 2006

    Let's see how many of the 7 deadly (aka fun?) sins -ggg- and the others committed last Sunday (on a SUNDAY!!)

    1) Lust - of course they lusted after more beer and hotdogs...

    2) Gluttony - that speaks for itself.

    3) Greed/Avarice - I've never seen a group hoard beer and hotdogs the way these micreants did.

    4) Sloth - I dare one of you to tell me you didn't lay around the next day...

    5) Wrath - I'm sure if they didn't finish they would have displayed wrath towards the finishers (I know I did) so close enough.

    6) Envy - all the finishers displayed envy at not being able to finish in 7 innings... like the greats do.

    7) Pride - well, the blog entry pretty much satisfies that one.

    By my count, looks like the finishers not only finished the 999'er but also finished all 7 deadlies in 9 innings as well.

    Nice going guys, I'll see you in HELL!!

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  3. That is cool as hell. If I drank beer, I would not only attempt this challenge, but would finish it as well.

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  4. OneOfTheThree...The Vegas trip is four days long, and the idea isn't to limit yourself, but to try and cross off all of the seven each day.

    7Deadlies...You probably didn't even have to look those up, did you? Got 'em memorized, perhaps? (and you've got more free time at work than anyone legally should.)

    Walrus...The contest is definitely do-able, but by the time you're on your sixth or seventh hot dog, you want to find Mr. Oscar Mayer himself and punch him in the nose.

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  5. Keep up the great posts -ggg-!! I like reading this stuff.

    "No virtuous man has ever painted a picture worth looking at, or written a symphony worth hearing, or a book worth reading" - H.L. Mencken

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  6. Thanks, Mr./Ms. Anon...

    And if what Mencken says is true, then I hope to someday be completely devoid of virtue.

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  7. Good Lord I hope no one had a cholesterol test scheduled for this week! Hmmmm...I guess you have to find SOMETHING to keep yourselves entertained at a Brewers game. ;0 (did I say that out loud?)

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  8. Good Lord, I hope no one had a cholesterol test scheduled for this week! Hmmm, I guess you all have to find SOMETHING to entertain you at a Brewers game! ;o {did I say that out loud?}

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  9. Ooops...look at that. I'm redundant. Sorry G.

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  10. WOW... -ggg-

    At age 16 the challenge would have been a walk in the park.

    At 26 it probably would have been completed just so I could be "one of the boys".

    At 36... not a chance in hell!! And I'm FAT!!! But damn, I could not do that!

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  11. E, were I much of a baseball fan, I suppose I would have had to be truly offended by that remark. :O)

    I just had the game on the radio so I knew how much time I had left to gluttonize.

    (And the Department of Redundancy Department forgives you.)


    MC...you might be surprised at what one can consume during an entire baseball game.

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  12. If I can get my pal Meff to go along with it, we are so doing this. I'm going to substitute wine coolers for beer though. I can't drink beer. It's nasty.

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  13. Keep me posted as to how you do if you attempt it. Twelve wine coolers could be quite dizzying!

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  14. It's on. Saturday October 21st - game one of the World Series. I've got two participants other than myself.

    I'm worried more about the alcohol. I rarely drink. Two drinks and I'll be buzzing. I seem to sober up quickly though. So maybe if I knock back six of the drinks early, by the time the 7th or 8th inning rolls around, I'll be ready to finish the job.

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  15. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  16. The contest has a website. Cool!

    http://www.999allstar.com/home.asp

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  17. I don't believe there's a Web site!!

    I poked around it a little, and their rules are for a "999 Lite," the way it looks, because they only require the nine beers to be 12-ouncers.

    Must not be from Wisconsin.

    Good luck on the 21st, Burt!

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  18. I got all nine hot dogs in me. But I petered out at only four wine coolers. There just wasn't room inside of me!

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